Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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