Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
