I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
