He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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