**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
