so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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