I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
