Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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