I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Screwed.edu
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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