drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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