just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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