I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
