If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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