She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize