allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
