OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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