Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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