You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
