apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want her autograph on my taint
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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