I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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