I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
