K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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