I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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