you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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