if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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