so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
