Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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