I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
