were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
