trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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