i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
