my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
