My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize