some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
