well you can't waste a boner
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize