4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
