You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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