if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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