She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
