And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
