There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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