I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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