Already got asked if we're dating
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
time to smoke my breakfast
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
