Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
