A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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