I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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