I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I want is dick and wine.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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