who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
