This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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