I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
