Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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