youre lurking in front of me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
