I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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