Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
