do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
