i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
