You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
