I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
