I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did i walk over a car last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
