Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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