spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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