Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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