Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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