dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
