You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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