Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
