you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.