In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!