I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.