just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave