I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!