Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
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What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?