so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?