I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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